Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
