Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
