3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My ass is underappreciated
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
