i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize