For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
