why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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