He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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