I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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