shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
