Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
