If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
