If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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