Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
