Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so let's talk penis.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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