Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Let's get the cat blown out
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
