If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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