In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
