My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I stole a fireplace last night.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize