I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize