I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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