you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
