P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
