he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
