We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
