Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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