So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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