You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
