stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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