I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize