True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
