Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize