you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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