Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Acid is not a monday night drug
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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