STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so that wasnt chicken after all
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
