In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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