it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
