FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
