i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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