dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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