I've blown a few things in my day
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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