Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
