I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
