Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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