Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
