when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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