Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
