"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
