38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
