Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My penis needs a shock collar
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
