we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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