i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
