I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
