Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize