Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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