I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
