I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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