So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
