he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You ate ashes out of my bong
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
