with your own penis?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Oh god it's open bar.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
