i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
