How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
