Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
